vent

kuya says to take it easy. give it time. muriel will bounce back. give muriel time. let her talk to dom. thats her safety net. she needs him so she wont be angry all the time. but what if this type of thing keeps on happening? how do i know, if she doesnt talk to strangers everyday. and v chats with strangers. how do i know if shes EVER telling me the truth. Muriel tells me "why dont you trust me". its pretty hard to trust her now. I hate to say it, but its just that gut feeling. i trusted her with my life before, but with all these lies; i just cant. I know she hates me, and i hate that she wants to live with my dad. she doesnst realize what mommy, kuya, and myself had gone through. she doesnt put any of us into consideration. mommy, lost her husband, her worst fear she can ever possibly imagine. she has to support this whole family, with the help of no one. i just wish i can bear the pain my mom has, i hope muriel can just take that into consideration. i mean it was really hard for me to do that, but i shut my dad out of my life. not completely, no. but i tried as much as i can. i saw that when i would mention i was hurting my mom. My mom is is truly the one person who has the most love for kuya, me, and muriel. Kuya on the other hand.. i hope he is having a wonderful time at irvine, i rreally do. but sometimes i just wish irvine was not so far away. he wouldve handled this situation much better than i have. Im trying to understand muriel, but idont know why she cant just come to me. She has to resort to talking to strangers. and she did change. definately. where was that promise? i know he didnt promise me that, but i usre was a witness. i havve no idea waht im doing right now. i think im doing the right thing, but the guilt that i have. the harsh words that muriel throws at me.. every possible solution has gone wrong.