My heart literally just dropped right now. It feels like it's torn apart... like someone took all my breaths away 'cause... not gonna lie.... i'm kind of having a hard time breathing right now. lol. (i just need to cool down)
--i really don't want to go into depth with why i'm feeling this way... because its not something i want to tell on the internet. because quite frankly, its embarrassing. Sadly, the imaginations and my little made up fantasies that i make up in my head are my worst enemy. They make me believe of those fairy tale, cliche love stories.. and that one day i would be the lucky one and star as the main character of one of those cheesy love stories that you tell to your kids.
But honestly,
These imaginations are what keep me from living my life. It's almost like i look forward to these imaginations as if they are actually going to happen. (Which is a complete let down btw, when others' peoples' lives change. ...and not yours) It's the worst feeling ever. ): I've been put down so many times and I'm tired of it. When is it my turn to feel ..loved?
I think the problem is that i don't have enough faith. I can say I'm very religious.. but that's just all talk. I need to express it. I need to feel it. Feel it within me. I can easily say, I go to mass every Sunday.. I am a peerleader... but am i really part of this big picture with my whole body, mind, and soul? When i think of an answer... i think no. And thats just pathetic, in my case.
I need to stop with these imaginations/fake-scenarios and actually live life! I can go far in life!
What happened to me, mal? Why am I not giving God my ALL. Why did i change? HOW did i change? I am ashamed of myself. Maybe if i put more faith and trust in Him, my life would be much easier. I need to, I must go back to this place. The place where I am a faithful servant of God.
I need to remember what is important in life. He is important in my life. Once i find God again... and I mean truly find God again and be reconnected with him spiritually again, then i know, and i know for certain that I will find love. and happiness.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Back on Tumblr
I actually have nothing to do. Oy, this is going to be a long month... I needa find me a job!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Getting Pretty Sleepy BUT
still making time for this!
whatd i do today? why thank you for asking. i woke up pretty late today.... 11am to be exact.. had to leave the house by 12 ish.. to go to the mall and then go to church for a toys for tots event that i volunteered for. Which happen to be very successful! i ate breakfast.. ALONE.. because i woke up late. hahah So i ended up leaving at like 1220.. had to get gas.. so i literally entered the freeway at 12;28.. because idk.. i just remember it.. hahah... so i went to the mall.. and parking was a biznatch. ): but i eventually found parking.. and i went to forever and bought a gift for my friend. which happened to be the last gift that i had to buy thank goodness. so i left the mall at 1:03.. because idk.. i remember that specific time as well.... uhm ended up making it to church at around 1:10... i think? idk.. i actually just guessed that time. i think i got there at 1:15.. oh well. so i stayed there till 3. helped be a "Shopper" for the moms and dads choosing gifts for their children. Thought that was the cutest thing ever.
Parents who have a hard time financially.. have a place to go.. just so their children could have a nice Christmas. And we have the catholic congregation to thank for this. All of their donations is what made this day possible for them, so it made me smile for the day (:
Also made me think that The youth ministry is really working their way to making a difference in our community.. for once... i'd say it was all Brother Andrew... i feel like he doesn't get enough credit for what he has done.. but leading this youth group was a big step in the growth of our faith. Thought that was really cool.
OKAYYY, and going back to my day.. i went to walmart afterwards.. cause i had to buy some last minute things... and so i didnt want to be out too late.. cause idunno. didnt really feel like being out.. haha.. so then i went home. yadda yadda. we ate dinner. after din din.. my bro, sis, and i made a ginger bread house! awesome i know! well it was a first, so it was pretty cool. i have pictures in my camera.. so i'll hopefully post some up later! if i remember. blah, basically thats it.. well thats waht i did.. that was out of the ordinary.. or atleast i'd say! idk.. im kinda done for typing right now. i'm tired. hahah and this was alot of typing. POOOOOP. (reminds me of those late nights with a paper due the next day) POOOOPER. HAHA ok well goodnight! BYE (:
whatd i do today? why thank you for asking. i woke up pretty late today.... 11am to be exact.. had to leave the house by 12 ish.. to go to the mall and then go to church for a toys for tots event that i volunteered for. Which happen to be very successful! i ate breakfast.. ALONE.. because i woke up late. hahah So i ended up leaving at like 1220.. had to get gas.. so i literally entered the freeway at 12;28.. because idk.. i just remember it.. hahah... so i went to the mall.. and parking was a biznatch. ): but i eventually found parking.. and i went to forever and bought a gift for my friend. which happened to be the last gift that i had to buy thank goodness. so i left the mall at 1:03.. because idk.. i remember that specific time as well.... uhm ended up making it to church at around 1:10... i think? idk.. i actually just guessed that time. i think i got there at 1:15.. oh well. so i stayed there till 3. helped be a "Shopper" for the moms and dads choosing gifts for their children. Thought that was the cutest thing ever.
Parents who have a hard time financially.. have a place to go.. just so their children could have a nice Christmas. And we have the catholic congregation to thank for this. All of their donations is what made this day possible for them, so it made me smile for the day (:
Also made me think that The youth ministry is really working their way to making a difference in our community.. for once... i'd say it was all Brother Andrew... i feel like he doesn't get enough credit for what he has done.. but leading this youth group was a big step in the growth of our faith. Thought that was really cool.
OKAYYY, and going back to my day.. i went to walmart afterwards.. cause i had to buy some last minute things... and so i didnt want to be out too late.. cause idunno. didnt really feel like being out.. haha.. so then i went home. yadda yadda. we ate dinner. after din din.. my bro, sis, and i made a ginger bread house! awesome i know! well it was a first, so it was pretty cool. i have pictures in my camera.. so i'll hopefully post some up later! if i remember. blah, basically thats it.. well thats waht i did.. that was out of the ordinary.. or atleast i'd say! idk.. im kinda done for typing right now. i'm tired. hahah and this was alot of typing. POOOOOP. (reminds me of those late nights with a paper due the next day) POOOOPER. HAHA ok well goodnight! BYE (:
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Video Chatting w. The Fools.
They are some awesome people <3
What would I be without them in my life? haha
What would I be without them in my life? haha
just a few pictures of our crazy video chat days/nights
Friday, December 9, 2011
Miscellaneous Pics!
A Day.. well Night at Chuck E. Cheese. With the sister. for a birthday party (: haha look at the third guy from the top! who is that!!
Nail Polish Lovers Unite!!
Pretty Cool huh? is this in my other blog? it should beeeee
HOT PEPPERMINT COCOA. see the candy cane? clever, i know! hahaha but really. it was so yummmmmmmy
This was just so fucking hilarious.
SINUOUSSSSSS. A pretty addicting game. I play this all the time in the library. hahhaa
Ain't she a beauty! yup that's my sister... oh dear
yeah i want to put her twice. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
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